We could have met. I lived around the corner. I used to go and buy bagels and milk in the square every morning. My place was a step from the square before I decided to move to another country. At night the square would always very lively and loud. Luckily I was on the top floor. I wouldn’t care about noise. My brain wouldn’t be sensitive about sound and light still. In that city people learned to ignore the noise. In fact we used it to differentiate necessary and unnecessary ones. The front windows faced the street while the back ones and the terrace looked at the Bosphorus.
I never thought I’d stare for months at my windows from the other side; from a single room at the hospital. I knew there are, or now were as they don’t exist anymore, two hospitals at my street; a German and a public one just next to my building. Both were always busy and the Emergency was just under my terrace. I would hear the noise of it now and then and rarely the crying of people after losing a relative.
I never knew there was a police station next to the square behind the church. Never needed a police and screening my mind into these happy days I rarely saw any around. There were a few late restaurants and off-liners always open late at the square. I remember I went with friends after a long going out night to eat almost early morning. There would be lots of drunken people so perhaps police were around so safety I thought.
The police never bothered me. Instead I felt safer than seeing a regular drunk man at a dark street at night. You could have been there at one of these nights having a Kebab. Who knows? But even if you haven’t saw me on a Kebab house on the square now you sure remember me. Are you an amateur or did you meant to? Did you aim at me or on the crowd? If so explain the drive to do it. Have you carried me to the ambulance? Do you follow me on my media? Are you a Facebook friend on my list? Do you feel guilty? Do you have pain? Do you still do the same job?
I think of you a lot. With each hit of headache I have. I want to forgive you if you can forgive yourself. I cannot forgive a generation of ignorance ruling the entire world and me being lost inside it. But you must know that is it only love that can heal our scars.
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